"I had this idea that I was going to change the world: racial justice, peace on earth, things like that. I went to every anti-war march there was. But I'm pretty sure that I didn't budge society an inch. So now I just sit in the park and watch the little tots walk by. They're so cute. Oh dear, look at that one!"
We live in a world where people can channel boundless outlets of creativity, passion and purpose. I am an avid reader, listener and researcher of the 'I made it' stories. I love discovering powerful people and their tales of where it started and how they got here. But it came to the point where inspiration turned into imitation. I thought that if I did exactly what they did, I would be just as happy and just as successful as I believed them to be.
In primary school I wanted to be an archaeologist.
I began high school and said I wanted to find the cure to cancer.
If you asked me what I wanted to be three years ago from now, I would have enthusiastically replied, "I want to work in a museum!"
For six months, I dreamt of being involved with textiles and pattern making.
For three months, I pondered on the idea of studying nursing and traveling to Africa.
Through several phases of one week max intervals,
I wanted to be a:
cook
stylist
photographer
jewellery designer
journalist
teacher
author
artist
And the icing on the cake, I've always secretly wanted to be an actress in theatre and/or broadway in another life; acting, singing and (tap)dancing.
... but we really all know, that is a very distant other life.
a gal can dream right?
Majority of these temporary career visions were instilled because I wanted to be just like the better person next to me. And to be honest, some of them were not even real. Character-based; the ones I read in books or saw in movies... deep down, all I wanted to be was a real life version of Amelie.
After constantly battling with, well, myself,
I have finally developed my own goal.
I am driven with focus and fuelled with passion.
This time 'round it feels different...
And you have to know this...
I, in this very moment, believe wholeheartedly this path is right.
However, I also believe in the unpredictable-ness of change, attitude and reaction.
[insert quote from all time loved movie 'You've Got Mail'] People are always telling you that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened.
Upon seeing this photo on the HONY facebook page (above), within a split nanosecond, it altered all of my views. I was overcome with sadness that this amazing woman worked so hard and ultimately felt like she did not make an impact on the world. But soon after, I felt a sense of contentment and respected her point of the matter.
After a life time of 20 years, I felt like I finally understood what reality is.
I have come to terms and realised things won't always work out. That I will have to face disappointment and mistakes; take five steps forward and get kicked ten leaps back, and know that somehow I will undeniably get through it all. I now know that no matter how much I want to save the world and take away the pain, sometimes the superhero cape is just too big and I can't do it all by myself. That I won't always have the right words to say, or all of the answers. That maybe my voice will never be loud enough or my legs never fast enough. That I will never really know if the path I am on, will ever be the right one.
(who knows, maybe I will be the next three hit wonder on broadway)
I am and will always be trying my hardest.
& when change comes a'knockin,
they'll take a seat and we'll get to know each other.
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